THE BIRTHS OF infants bearing the physiognomies of the octopus god Cthulhu in the vicinity of Picklock Lane did not seem remarkable when the red-haired termagant wife of the Amanuensis of the Prime Minister had given birth to ‘Cthulhu Jr.’ shortly after her marriage. At the time, Dr. Sarah Millstone had proclaimed the event to be a one-in-a-billion occurrence. When it was clear that the same red-haired woman was going to deliver her second version of the octopus god as a brother to her first, the space-medicine doctor had to admit to witnessing something abnormal if not downright miraculous.
Dr. Ibngort Prbzt suggested that the return of the Sogguths from deep space might have had a deep psychological effect on more than one pregnancy that had begun during that interval, and at first he seemed to be speaking as an uninvolved spectator. Then his wife Mrs. Trudy Prbzt presented imagery that conclusively indicated that her own pregnancy had developed characteristics eerily similar to those shown by the embryo of the Sogguths before they had arrived again on Earth.
By the time the same propitious signs were perceived in imagery of the embryos of Doctor Sarah herself and of her daughter-in-law Olive Millstone, even the reserved scientist was forced to concede that the coincidences added up to more than the minuscule probabilities or even remote possibilities accounted for. She admitted to her husband that she was beginning to believe in the mythos of Cthulhu’s return. How this was happening was problematical from scientific and medical points of view. What all the phenomena meant was the question of the day: if the octopus god was really returning to Earth, were his intentions benign or malign? Much depended on the answer to that basic question.
Fatty Millstone had held his pronouncements back as the evidence gradually mounted, but one seminal event forced his hand in a way no one but he might have foreseen. Yet he was totally blind-sided when it did happen, as were Sarah, Charles and the entire clone family.
It was sometime after Dr. Sarah’s clinic in the tenement had been transformed into a birthing-and-postnatal-observation clinic for new Cthulhu arrivals. As the sheriff had been drafted into medical service on account of his ability to function efficiently with little or no sleep, he was soaking in the warm saline solution of the clinic’s hot tub with all the little Cthulhus wrapped around and all over his limbs and body. Charles had just brought his father a glass of freshly squeezed pineapple juice.
‘I see you have all six little Cthulhus wrapped around you, Father.’
‘Each has chosen his own sucker from my tentacle to cling to, so I presume that all of them are here in the hot tub. Their mothers are getting some much-deserved rest elsewhere. Nonetheless, I have felt a little unsettled, so before we feed them their formula, I would appreciate your helping me sort out the little tykes—just to be sure they’re all thriving.’
Charles was an effective manager of infants since he was father of one of the aforementioned little Cthulhus by his wife Olive. He peeled each infant off his father, washed him in warm water and laid him in the crib that was labelled with his name and medical information. Once he had completed this task, Charles said, ‘I have accounted for one infant for each of our six cribs.’
Fatty said, ‘Well, I think we have a new development—unless one or more of the still-expectant mothers have given birth this night.’ The sheriff dandled a newborn and said, ‘I hate to disturb your stepmother, but we seem to have acquired one more baby than she has accounted for.’
‘How can this be?’ Charles asked bewildered as he washed the new arrival and placed him back in his father’s arms. He departed the clinic for a moment and returned with warm bottles of baby formula, which he distributed among the hungry babies, including the new one. By the time he had finished, his mother, whom he had awakened while fetching the bottles, had arrived to ogle the newborn baby lying peacefully in her husband’s arms.
‘Fatty, do you have any idea where this new child originated?’
‘However it happened, the tot must have come between two and three o’clock in the morning.’
‘I could have guessed that, silly husband! I mean, whose child is it? And what is it doing in my clinic? Not that he is not welcome. I would never turn a newborn away from my care.’
Fatty reddened as he said, ‘He felt much like all my other clones did before they came. Then, he was in the bath with the others, fixing on one of my tentacle’s free suckers as if he knew just where he belonged without being instructed.’
Charles could not resist breaking out into laughter. ‘I have a new clone brother! I can hardly believe the good news.’
‘Good for us all, Charles, but the birth is medically impossible,’ Sarah said.
Fatty frowned and said, ‘Not possible? I even had a discussion with the little one in the hour after he first arrived. I believe the infant gave me the solution to the riddle we have all been trying to solve.’
Sarah was stunned by this news, and she groped for an ergonomic chair so she could sit down comfortably. ‘Since he is greedily drinking his formula, we’ll let him finish before giving him a thorough medical examination. As for his carrying on a discussion with you at his young age, I have my doubts about that. Perhaps you only fancied you and he carried on a discussion.’
‘How would I have fancied learning about all the Old Ones who will be arriving here in the next few weeks for their big reunion? Or about how they are all coming in peace to help us on Earth as we resolve the issues of the universe?’
Charles became alarmed by this news. ‘Father, you are talking about a major universe security event! In fact, this is the return the mythos has long prophesied.’
Fatty was looking more hopeful now that his chief clone had caught his vision. He said, ‘I suggest that we ask our new arrival about the plans he has for everything. To be ready for what we need to hear, I suggest that we alert the usual people in our group so we can prepare them for what is to come. The question is how to handle those who dwell in the vast recesses of space; I mean creatures who might not want to believe that Cthulhu and his associates mean anything but harm to them.’
Sarah said, ‘I agree; and Charles will gather all the responsible people—the PM, his two amanuenses and his wife the Lady Lucille—for the earliest possible meeting in the command centre tomorrow morning. Nothing must take priority over this crucial matter. Meanwhile, your new clone has completed consuming his first bottle of formula. I’ll fetch him a second bottle while I begin his examination.’
‘I have never cloned a little Cthulhu before,’ Fatty said morosely as he tried to comprehend what had happened to himself.
‘Husband, welcome to the club! I feel privileged to be witness to the first instance of parthenogenesis in modern times. Instead of a virgin birth, however, you, a father, have delivered a motherless child.’
‘Nonsense, Sarah. You are as much a mother to him as you are to Charles or any of the rest of my clones.’
She smiled at him indulgently. ‘You are making my point, husband. Here we have all been waiting for Cthulhu to materialize amongst us. All the time, contrariwise, he has been patiently waiting to be born as a clone to my dearest husband—to you.’
‘I had no idea this was going to happen to me. You must believe me!’
‘I do believe you, Fatty. You are simply incapable of the sort of guile you would have had to marshal to keep such a dark secret from me, your prying, observant wife. Don’t try to deny it! Don’t say a word! I suppose this as good a time as any to announce I am pregnant again, and the early signs show another Cthulhu embryo just like the first. And, as you know, Lady Lucille Hudibras is also expecting, it seems.’
‘May I say something?’
‘Of course you may.’
‘I believe you are the only person on Earth who knows how many little Cthulhus there are going to be after the current line of births.’
The space-medicine doctor smiled. ‘There will be eight not counting your surprise contribution, which will make nine, unless you have some other, similar surprises for us.’
At daybreak, the meeting of the persons who were cleared to discuss Universe Council level matters was held in the Command Centre of the Tenement. The Prime Minister presided as the matter to be discussed had the highest importance for Earth and possibly also for the universe. The PM opened the meeting with the following statement:
‘We have been visited by a most unusual occurrence, namely, the return of the octopus god, who has come amongst us as an infant, not as a single being but as nine instantiations. This goes beyond any prophecy, and we are not aware of the dimensions of this visitation, but we owe history the obligation to make the most of our opportunity. I have therefore created a new caveat, Cthulhu Returns, which shall be given Most Secret status. Only the people in this command centre shall be privy to matters pertaining to this caveat, which shall be protected with the full force of the nation’s Official Secrets Act. Does anyone have any questions? No? I now will turn this meeting over to Mr. Sogguth for planning our national responses as the significance of our privileged vision demands.’
‘I notice our guest of honour has something to say. Cthulhu, you may feel welcome to interject your ideas whenever you like.’
The newborn Cthulhu, still wrapped in swaddling clothes, easily assumed control. ‘I have dropped in amongst you without warning. I cannot overemphasize the panic that might come to the simple beings of the universe if they suspected that I and my Old Ones had met again here on Earth. We therefore come stealthily in disguise in the night. We seek no notoriety or publicity, no honours or wealth. We shall not wish to take credit for what we do, only to be sure the good get credit for good things and the bad for bad things. I must learn much as I experience the universe anew, and I need companions made like myself to create the needed changes to renew the universe in its earliest form. As you know, my companions came to Earth in much the same way as I did though the Old Ones will be coming separately and in their own special ways. Do not expect immediate results from our actions but know we shall be working together for the common good. The Prime Minister shall be my public mouthpiece. Mr. Sogguth shall be my political voice at the Universe Council. My father, Fatty Millstone, shall be my enforcer. For now, this is all of substance you need to know. Know that I am glad to have finally returned. It was not a mistake for me to have stood apart from Earth for a while, but this Earth needs me again as much as it ever did. Be joyful but also be mindful that good must survive ordeals of jealousy, envy, hatred and spite. Now I must go back to my clinic. Farewell.’
Charles picked up the infant and bore him back to the postnatal clinic. There he slipped into the warm bath where the other little Cthulhus were bathing in the hot saline bath. Like the others, he exercised his tentacles and touched each of his fellows gently to acknowledge he had come back to play with them.
Those who had borne witness to the first formal speech of Cthulhu went back to their work with the knowledge that they had been party to an unmentionable event—one that suggested that the world, indeed the universe, was now destined for better things. Fatty was proud of his little son for having shown that he was wise and prudent beyond his years. Sarah was proud of her husband and her latest foster child as well. She went back to being the expert space medicine doctor that she was, secretly knowing she was now also the mother of a god.
